| Does the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) hire | | | | would go was a tossup between a trendy upper East |
| extras just to make the place look busy?They say | | | | Side night spot for young singles and a downtown |
| that living to a ripe old age is a blessing. But when you | | | | senior citizen's ball, depending on when we got out.By |
| do it while standing on line at the DMV, you begin to | | | | now our line had gotten shorter by twenty-three |
| see things from an entirely different perspective. | | | | people. Eight had renewed their licenses, four were on |
| Suddenly, the expression "something to look forward | | | | the wrong line, three were in the wrong country, six |
| to" can mean something as mundane as seeing a | | | | died of natural causes, and one asked for political |
| DMV employee get back from lunch to take care of | | | | asylum.One guy, who wasn't too familiar with our |
| huge line. And the emotional impact of the simple word | | | | language or customs, thought he was being picked out |
| "next" can bring tears of joy trickling down your | | | | of a lineup when the woman behind the window |
| cheeks -- you'd think it was written by the poet Yusef | | | | looked at him and yelled "Next!" He confessed to two |
| Komunyakaa.Probably the most frightening phrase you | | | | burglaries and a subway turnstile jumping. The man |
| can hear at the DMV is, "It's a clerical error." This | | | | now works for the DMV, sort of -- he makes license |
| phrase can mean almost any imaginable horrible thing | | | | plates at an upstate correctional facility.When I finally |
| you can conjure up. It can mean that you'll have to | | | | reached the window, the woman asked to see two |
| come back and waste another day. It can mean that | | | | forms of identification. I showed her a major credit |
| you'll have to retake the road test you already passed | | | | card and a picture ID. Taking a quick look at the |
| because your records have been misplaced. Or it can | | | | picture, she said, "This doesn't look like you."I said, "It did |
| mean that due to a misspelling of your name, you're | | | | when I arrived. I was younger then."She pointed to an |
| now on the FBI's most wanted list. And it's not even | | | | eye chart and asked, "Can you read the bottom line?"I |
| proper decorum to get angry about such things. You | | | | said, "Can I read it? I know the guy. He works for a |
| see, it's not really their fault -- making errors is part of | | | | Greek car service on my block."Upon my passing the |
| the system.But things at the DMV have improved | | | | eye exam, she stamped my forms, saying, "Your |
| somewhat over the years. On some "lines," instead of | | | | license will be good for four years." Then, gleefully |
| standing for hours, as was the case in years gone by, | | | | pointing to a long cashier's line, she added, "You can |
| you now take a number, sit down on a bench and | | | | pay at the cashier.""Four years from when?" I asked. |
| watch a large electronic board with a confusing array | | | | "From when I get on the line or from when get off the |
| of numbers. Every now and then, someone yells | | | | line?" If looks could kill, the look she gave me could've |
| "Bingo!"Having spent my share of time at the DMV, I've | | | | killed a Brontosaurus the size of a DMV backlog.On |
| found that in addition to spending about seventy | | | | the cashier's line I wound up near a guy listening to a |
| percent of your time waiting on lines, you spend about | | | | small radio. After two hours of eavesdropping on |
| ten percent looking for the right line and about fifteen | | | | news reports and financial updates, I found out that in |
| percent taking directions from security personnel who | | | | the time I'd been waiting on this line, the dollar had |
| couldn't give you clear enough directions to find the | | | | devaluated by about four percent on the Japanese |
| ocean on a cruise ship.My first line, on one particular | | | | market, our national debt had risen by about six |
| occasion, was the "picture" line. That's where | | | | percent, and my patients was wearing thinner by |
| everyone "fixes up" and smiles for a picture that'll | | | | about eighteen percent.By the time I reached the |
| never be seen by anyone except cops. And these | | | | cashier's window, I had a pretty solid understanding of |
| pictures never come out right. Anyone who actually | | | | how the world financial markets operate -- but I still |
| looks like the picture on his or her driver's license is too | | | | hadn't the foggiest clue as to how the DMV does. Is |
| ill to drive.My next line was so crowded, one guy | | | | the DMV's system designed to make the place look |
| fainted. But no one noticed it because he couldn't fall | | | | busy? Is it crowded because they have no system? |
| down till six people got off.After several hours of | | | | Or is the DMV just a stepping stone for moving up to |
| ruffling my forms so they wouldn't get moldy before I | | | | a better career; like, if you work really slow here you |
| reached the window, I met Cindy, who had just moved | | | | can eventually move up to becoming a postal |
| from bench six to bench seven because bench six | | | | employee.Cindy and I were reunited outside and |
| was being radiocarbon tested by scientists to see | | | | shared a cab. I asked the cabbie to step on it. Cindy |
| what's the longest anyone ever sat on it.We found out | | | | asked what the rush was. I said, "No rush, I'd just |
| we had a lot in common. Our licenses expired in the | | | | forgotten what 'fast' looked like."Growing Old At The |
| same month. At one point in our lives, we both | | | | DMV |
| received collection notices for summonses we never | | | | from shopndrop.comJosh Greenberger: A computer |
| received. And at our last visit to the DMV, both of our | | | | consultant for over two decades, the author has |
| faces appeared on milk containers by the time we got | | | | developed software for such organizations as |
| out.She showed me pictures of her pets. They were | | | | NASA's Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, |
| the most adorable little puppies I'd ever seen. Not | | | | Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase |
| having pets or kids of my own, I showed her pictures | | | | Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works |
| of my last collision. She was impressed. She said it | | | | have appeared in such periodicals as The New York |
| took a lot of talent to twist a fender into the shape of | | | | Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish |
| the Big Dipper at only three miles per hour. And I'm not | | | | Press, and others. His articles have ranged from humor |
| even an astronomer.As time wore on, we hit it off so | | | | to scientific to topical events. Visit his site |
| well, we made plans to go out on a date. Where we | | | | ==>shopndrop. |